There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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