Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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