Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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