i just google imaged poop.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
