I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
