I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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