i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
