Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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