My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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