My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
