smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like a drive thru vagina
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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