In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
