do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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