I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
