what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
