i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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