If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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