I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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