I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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