Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
