so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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