just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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