Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
