so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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