I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
