he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
