trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
