my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
