she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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