I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
