Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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