I wish I could teleport
I skipped work to stalk him.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
