I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Duck Duck Cougar?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
