it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
