The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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