I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
