ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i think i have herpe
just one?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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