I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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