Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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