New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
