That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
