I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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