P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
