did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize