The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
