70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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