Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
