woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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