Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
