What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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