We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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