Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize