I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
