It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
