i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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