Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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