this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize