I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Randomize
