I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
