hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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