I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
