Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
