I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
