weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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