Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
