I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
