Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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