Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
